The Monotonous Rituals of the Post Holder with Too Many Jobs!
In the endless procession of educational routines, there is one in particular that makes both students and teachers wish for assisted death: School assemblies. Indeed, these obligatory gatherings are lacklustre rituals, overseen by disengaged presenters with the delivery skills of a stale digestive and who are about as inspirational as week-old, roadkill. To them, assemblies are merely a task to check off their list. But this isn’t a rant about the mundane; it’s a desperate plea for change because honestly, as Frasier Crane once said: “I’d rather watch a loved one autopsied”.
Problem
Assemblies have descended into soul-draining horrors, with students held captive by the lone applicant for the assistant to the executive associate vice principal role. The students’ minds drift from the “crucial” content being droned at them. Leadership, who to be fair are burdened with myriad responsibilities, seemingly relegate assembly planning to the periphery, resulting in presentations lacking relevance and inspiration. And fuck me, the presenters – dull, condescending (I cringe when I hear that tone used to address the students), and about as engaging as their shitly put-together, PowerPoint presentation vehicle.
Causes
The source of these bore fests lies in the systemic neglect of their significance. Time-poor leadership, scrambling to juggle administrative duties, appear to view assemblies as a mere formality rather than a platform for meaningful engagement. Consequently, the task often falls to individuals ill-equipped or uninterested in delivering compelling content – at least, that’s how it comes across. Add to this a dash of outdated presentation style, and a soupçon of irrelevant topics, and we’ve got a recipe for tedium.
Effects
The repercussions of this assembly apathy are felt keenly by students. Forced to endure mind-numbing sessions, they become disengaged, their attention drifting towards more stimulating pursuits, like counting ceiling tiles (because that’s my tactic for staying awake). The lack of relevance in topics leaves them questioning the purpose of these time vacuums, while the patronising tone adopted by presenters only serves to further alienate them. In short, assemblies become yet another obstacle to genuine learning and it’s a crime because some of the topics covered are actually, incredibly important.
Solutions
To breathe life back into assemblies, we must first acknowledge their potential as catalysts for positive change. Leadership must prioritise their planning, ensuring that content is not only relevant but delivered in a manner that captivates and inspires. And for fuck’s sake, please shoot (or at least replace) the current messenger because i don’t know if I have already alluded to this: THEY ARE SHIIIIITE! Failing that, invest in training them, and foster their ability to connect with students authentically because it’s paramount. Moreover, soliciting input from students themselves can ensure that topics resonate with their experiences and interests. The best assembly I ever witnessed was led by the guy responsible for the sound design in the game Silent Hill – wow, wtf, I mean it was insanely good! (Of course, it only slightly surpassed the experience of enduring one of the school’s least authentic teachers droning on about the perils of vaping! Hard to believe I know.)
Conclusion
Assemblies ought to serve as vibrant threads, intricately weaving together the fabric of learning with enthusiasm and relevance. However, complacency has infiltrated where engagement is crucial. Let us not resign ourselves to assemblies as mere checklists, but instead, recognise the opportunity to encourage curiosity, stimulate dialogue, and empower students to actively participate in their education. Because after all, they are a captive audience for 15 minutes, at least make it worth their while and ffs give them a presenter with more charisma than a yellow Comic Sans header on a white background.
