Summer—a time most teachers eagerly await: the mental break, , sleeping past 6.30am, the sunshine, beach trips, and endless social activities. But for me, summer is a fucking prison sentence. While others bask in the costa del fuck you, I’m trapped in a cycle of depression and anxiety. The longer days, the pressure to entertain my kids, and the financial burden of holiday expectations all weigh heavily on my mind. Instead of enjoying a break, I’m overwhelmed, unmotivated, and consumed by a feeling of being stuck, unable to escape the monotony, and not worthy of the good things and people in my life-I’m a fucking let down. The expectation that summer should be a time of joy only amplifies my malaise, leaving me feeling even more isolated and lost and damaging family connections amplified by the fact that my wife and kids, and seemingly everyone else in the world, lives for the summer!
Expectations
Journey to the Centre of the Dearth
Education is eternally confusing, like Biden on mushrooms and one of the most recent brain ‘trips’ is the introduction of Learning Journeys. These overcomplicated project overviews meant to guide students through their educational ‘path’, are akin to LCD hallucinogenics, have become a ketamine, k-hole, time-fuck for teachers AND are a disservice to students (like, errrr….opiods???). Learning Journeys are supposed to show students where they have been, where they are, and where they are going, but instead, they’ve become caricatures, showing only how not to use clipart.
From Silent Hill to the Classroom
Parallels in Psychological Horror
Based on a recent post I, akin to Carrie Bradshaw, ‘got to wondering’ whether the video game series, Silent Hill is an accurate analogy for working as a teacher. It’s tongue in cheek, it’s a little fun but it’s not without significance. Dare you enter the fog?
False Martyrs and Fallacies
Confronting Toxic Mindsets and the Dismissal Epidemic
It’s a dilemma that’s as insidious as it is ubiquitous, as destructive as it is dismissive. It’s a dilemma born from the lips of our own colleagues, echoing within each department and reverberating through the corridors of our schools with the unsettling frequency of the Silent Hill radio static. This dilemma, my friends, is the casual dismissal of complex issues through language rife with logical fallacies.
C.E. Oh, who the F*** are you?
The Wizards Behind the Curtain
Beware of those pulling the strings in our schools – these multi-academy trust CEOs, seemingly elusive until they need something, embody a leadership vacuum that cripples morale and suppresses progress. But much like the Wizard of Oz presents himself as an awe-inspiring figure, CEOs similarly rely on trickery and deception to maintain authority. This serves as a useful guide for this gripe and a powerful metaphor for the importance of seeing through illusions and recognising the true nature of those in positions of power.
Beyond “Branded” Praise
Rediscovering the Power of Genuine Acknowledgement
Shrouded in unnecessary complexity yet so evident in its simplicity: praise. Is it an essential element of student motivation and morale? Perhaps, but frequently overshadowed by convoluted systems prioritising branding over genuine acknowledgement. As a result, layers of complexity obscure what should be a straightforward gesture of appreciation. [Note to SLT: if you need more than a couple of lines on a slide, or god forbid, a fucking flow chart to explain your latest shit idea, it’s probably too complicated!]
Marking Madness
Breaking the Bullshit Cycle of Overwhelming Workloads
It’s the bullshit that every teacher faces: the overwhelming burden of marking papers, a thankless task that consumes time, energy, and sanity. However, the intolerable excess of this workload exacts a not-so-subtle toll on teachers’ well-being and most worryingly, is perpetuated by those tasked with leading by example.
The Grade Alchemist
Turning Water into Wine
At this time of year, teachers often find themselves in a modern-day parable akin to Jesus with his baguette and tin of Aldi sardines. Just as Jesus performed a miracle to feed the masses, teachers are expected to perform similarly, magically elevating students’ grades to meet the student’s target. Yet, behind this show of divine intervention lies the devil: the guilt-laden question that pursues teachers – “What can we do to get their grade up?” NEWSFLASH: if you have ever said this phrase, then 1. you are a fucking dick and 2. you are part of the fucking problem within education.
‘But you’d already gone’
Guilt-Loaded Phrases in Education
The education system: quiet, peaceful, serene… that is until I wake up screaming ‘FUCK YOU’ as I tumble through the treetops (kudos if you know the reference) *and cue title music.
The system is actually a place where exploitation thrives like a North American pine forest, and teachers are guilt-tripped into sacrificing their sanity for the ‘greater good’—or rather, the greater exploitation. But honestly, the postal version of Burt Raccoon is exactly how it makes me feel. Behold the guilt-laden phrases that chime through school corridors, leaving teachers to Syril Sneer as they are torn between their duty and their own well-being. One such phrase, “but you’d already gone,” encapsulates the subtle manipulation used to guilt-trip teachers into giving up their precious time, unpaid, for the system’s demands. Fuck you – let’s call this shit out!
Good Will Hunting
Exposing Schools’ double standards: Economic vs social relationships
A stark dilemma haunts the corridors but it is not the foul stench of SLT polluting the corridor as they come to deliver a fresh set of laminated bullshit that “must be displayed in every classroom”. Instead, it’s a paradox where goodwill, vital for harmonious school-staff relations, is now treated as a commodity. This isn’t an abstract concept; it’s a predicament with real repercussions for teachers, students, and education in general.