False Martyrs and Fallacies

Confronting Toxic Mindsets and the Dismissal Epidemic

It’s a dilemma that’s as insidious as it is ubiquitous, as destructive as it is dismissive. It’s a dilemma born from the lips of our own colleagues, echoing within each department and reverberating through the corridors of our schools with the unsettling frequency of the Silent Hill radio static. This dilemma, my friends, is the casual dismissal of complex issues through language rife with logical fallacies.

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C.E. Oh, who the F*** are you?

The Wizards Behind the Curtain

Beware of those pulling the strings in our schools – these multi-academy trust CEOs, seemingly elusive until they need something, embody a leadership vacuum that cripples morale and suppresses progress. But much like the Wizard of Oz presents himself as an awe-inspiring figure, CEOs similarly rely on trickery and deception to maintain authority. This serves as a useful guide for this gripe and a powerful metaphor for the importance of seeing through illusions and recognising the true nature of those in positions of power.

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Beyond “Branded” Praise

Rediscovering the Power of Genuine Acknowledgement

Shrouded in unnecessary complexity yet so evident in its simplicity: praise. Is it an essential element of student motivation and morale? Perhaps, but frequently overshadowed by convoluted systems prioritising branding over genuine acknowledgement. As a result, layers of complexity obscure what should be a straightforward gesture of appreciation. [Note to SLT: if you need more than a couple of lines on a slide, or god forbid, a fucking flow chart to explain your latest shit idea, it’s probably too complicated!]

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Marking Madness

Breaking the Bullshit Cycle of Overwhelming Workloads

It’s the bullshit that every teacher faces: the overwhelming burden of marking papers, a thankless task that consumes time, energy, and sanity. However, the intolerable excess of this workload exacts a not-so-subtle toll on teachers’ well-being and most worryingly, is perpetuated by those tasked with leading by example.

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The Grade Alchemist

Turning Water into Wine

At this time of year, teachers often find themselves in a modern-day parable akin to Jesus with his baguette and tin of Aldi sardines. Just as Jesus performed a miracle to feed the masses, teachers are expected to perform similarly, magically elevating students’ grades to meet the student’s target. Yet, behind this show of divine intervention lies the devil: the guilt-laden question that pursues teachers – “What can we do to get their grade up?” NEWSFLASH: if you have ever said this phrase, then 1. you are a fucking dick and 2. you are part of the fucking problem within education.

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‘But you’d already gone’

Guilt-Loaded Phrases in Education

The education system: quiet, peaceful, serene… that is until I wake up screaming ‘FUCK YOU’ as I tumble through the treetops (kudos if you know the reference) *and cue title music.

The system is actually a place where exploitation thrives like a North American pine forest, and teachers are guilt-tripped into sacrificing their sanity for the ‘greater good’—or rather, the greater exploitation. But honestly, the postal version of Burt Raccoon is exactly how it makes me feel. Behold the guilt-laden phrases that chime through school corridors, leaving teachers to Syril Sneer as they are torn between their duty and their own well-being. One such phrase, “but you’d already gone,” encapsulates the subtle manipulation used to guilt-trip teachers into giving up their precious time, unpaid, for the system’s demands. Fuck you – let’s call this shit out!

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Good Will Hunting

Exposing Schools’ double standards: Economic vs social relationships

A stark dilemma haunts the corridors but it is not the foul stench of SLT polluting the corridor as they come to deliver a fresh set of laminated bullshit that “must be displayed in every classroom”. Instead, it’s a paradox where goodwill, vital for harmonious school-staff relations, is now treated as a commodity. This isn’t an abstract concept; it’s a predicament with real repercussions for teachers, students, and education in general.

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Branding vs. Substance

How Branding Eclipses Educational Integrity

The cry of ‘Just do it’ echoes from SLT as they fuel a frustrating trend, but are schools prioritising branding over substance? Schools, especially academies, are eager to establish a unique identity, often relying on shit slogans and bullshit-branded policies, and insisting on brand recognition. But news flash: brand recognition is earned, not imposed. And, beneath the surface lies a significant problem—a gap between branding efforts and the actual educational value they claim to offer.

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“Research shows…”

ie. I heard it on a podcast once

Within leadership-led seminars for teachers, a familiar refrain echoes: “Research shows…” But behind this authoritative phrase lies a glaring truth – an obsession with educational research often blinds senior leaders to the broader horizons of knowledge. Instead of embracing a wealth of diverse insights, they find solace in the comforting embrace of their own echo chambers, where education-derived research reigns supreme. But this myopic approach comes at a cost – a cost paid by students, educators, and the future of education itself… and honestly, IT’S SOOOOOO DULL!

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The Business Dress Myth

How ‘smart dress’ is a red herring

In the classroom, innovation and student engagement should be paramount, but there is an alternate focus for some SLT because, let’s face it, they have fuck all better to do: the enforcement of “business dress” for teachers. While proponents argue that such attire fosters seriousness, it’s time to address the elephant in the room—this is a school, not a fucking bank from the 1920s. The impracticality of suits and ties in an educational setting is glaring, and the repercussions are profound.

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