Ritual insanity
There are so many challenges facing education (urghhh), but this one comes to fuck me over at the same time every year: the cultish ritual of marking mock exams. As teachers, we find ourselves trapped in a cycle of wasted hours, futile efforts, and little to no benefit for our students. It’s an absolute absurdity and honestly, this divine convergence gives me about as much sense of clarity as an angry agnostic at a scientology conference.
Problem
Marking mock exams has become a ritualistic parade of madness similar to Jon Ronson’s expose of Bohemium Grove, except mocks have less logical reasoning than sacrificing a burning baby to an owl called Moloch. Despite the time and effort poured into grading mock papers, the returns are paltry at best. Students, unenthused and unprepared, stumble through these tests like pissed-up Bambi (Bambis?) on roller skates, producing dismal results that offer no true reflection of their abilities (well…apart from Declan Dick-wad… his results are an entirely accurate reflection). Meanwhile, teachers are left drowning in pointless paperwork, with no meaningful insights gained and no real progress made. It’s a seasonal cycle of wasted resources and lost opportunities including, lost time.
Causes
One key cause lies in the pressure to conform to traditional assessment methods, regardless of their efficacy. Mock exams are seen as a necessary evil, a box to tick rather than a tool for genuine evaluation and improvement. Additionally, the lack of student engagement and motivation stems from a broader culture of apathy towards education (fucking hell, this is a whole blog on its own), fueled by a system that prioritises grades over learning. It’s a toxic cocktail of outdated practices and misplaced priorities akin to a Republican hustings.
Effects
One could argue that students, disillusioned by the hopeless exercise, lose confidence in their abilities and disengage from the learning process. Their academic performance suffers, and their well-being takes a hit as stress and anxiety mount. Although, despite this, they are always keen to know what they got “Sir/Miss/Mx, did you mark my exam. yet?”, “yeah, I did and fuck me it was shiiiiiiit”. Meanwhile, teachers bear the brunt of the burden, sacrificing their time and energy on a futile endeavour that yields little to no benefit. It’s a lose-lose situation for all involved, with no winners in sight. And fuck, if you are an English teacher cancel everything for the next two weeks. As David Miscavige must have once said to Tom Cruise: ‘How the fuck can we justify this nonsense”?
Solutions
Breaking free from the cult of mock exams requires a paradigm shift in our approach to assessment and evaluation. Instead of fixating on traditional exams, we must embrace more innovative and holistic methods of gauging ‘student progress’ (urghh hate that phrase *swallows a little sick). This includes incorporating formative assessments, project-based learning, and real-world applications into the curriculum. Additionally, we must prioritise student engagement and motivation, fostering a culture of curiosity and learning.
Conclusion
We cannot continue to waste valuable time and resources on a futile exercise that benefits no one. We need a more effective and equitable approach to assessment and evaluation. Perhaps reimagine education as a journey of discovery and growth, where students are empowered to reach their full potential and teachers are supported in their quest to ignite passion and curiosity.
